My Internal Struggle With Being ‘Queer’

The term ‘queer’ is everywhere.  You can attend ‘Queer Theater’, listen to ‘Queer Music’, read ‘Queer Fiction’, and major in ‘Queer Studies’ in college.  More and more often, I hear people referring to themselves as ‘queer’ rather than the usual gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender labels.  Even news stories or blog posts, ‘Queer’ often replaces the acronym LGBT.

I get it.  I really do.  The term, which was (and still is) used pejoratively by homophobes and the ignorant, has been reclaimed by gay activists and is now embraced by ‘queer youth’.  It describes a bigger umbrella than just the gender specific gay labels.  Other groups that identify differently than heterosexual are included such as pansexual, intersexual, asexual and genderqueer.  It is an important shift that unites a very diverse group of individuals all trying for, if not acceptance, at least equality in our society.

I get it.  But I hate it.

I hate the term queer as much as I hate hearing the words fag or faggot.  I cringe when I hear it used on the radio and when I read it print.  Until this blog post, I don’t recall even typing the word unless quoting some hateful person.

I am 50, and for the majority of my life, that term has been used to spout hate and intolerance.  People who used it were immediately placed on my mental asshole list.  I have spent my entire life running from the term, and now I’m supposed to embrace it?

Yup!  That’s how language works.  Words and their use change, and the only thing that holds that back, briefly, are the old farts trying to hold on to what was true in their time.  So I have a choice to make.  I can be the old fart, who younger people either look at with pity or disgust as the rigid past generation desperately trying to hold onto what is comfortable, or I can take a deep breath, look to the next generation and grow.

I think I’ll pick grow – that sounds a lot more fun.  So I guess for the next 40 years (hopefully) I’ll be part of the diverse and wonderfully creative Queer Community.

I feel better already!