What NOT to Say at a Same Sex Wedding

Here is a great post by The Knot about what to avoid saying at a same sex wedding. People are well meaning, but they sometimes can inadvertently say something that can dampen the mood on such a happy day.

Ricky Martin: Mom & Dad

Although not a huge fan, I always thought Ricky Martin was a fun pop singer with catchy tunes – and he’s very easy on the eyes. After he came out, I started to pay more attention. I realized how important and daring it was to be out as a popular Latino heartthrob.

This past March, my husband and I travelled to NYC to get married. I was looking for a Broadway Show to see, and heard that a friend from my high school days was in the new production of Evita. I had done a Summer Theater production of Anything Goes in 1980 with Rebecca Eichenberger. She was the most talented singer I’d ever heard.

I got tickets and contacted her through Facebook to see if we could meet up after the show. In the back of my mind I thought, “Ricky Martin will be interesting as Che, but he’ll never pull it off vocally.”. How wrong I was!
I knew Becky would be amazing, and she was. As Evita’s mother, her voice rang out and I remembered how transfixed I was the first time I hear her sing in a production of No No, Nanette when I was in high school. What took me by surprise was Che.

Mr. Martin did a great job. He had great stage presence and sang the role beautifully. After the show, we went out with Becky for a drink. She said Ricky was so personable, humble and had a personal connection with everyone in the show.

Wow! Looks, talent, advocate, mom, dad and a nice guy to boot. Who could ask for anything more…. Except maybe an autograph…. Next time!

Question of the Gay

If you’re married or planning on it, do you call your spouse husband/wife or partner or something else?

Good News Out of Africa

There has been a string of terrible anti LGBT news from Africa for a long time. For the first time since South Africa legalized Same Sex Marriage in 2006, there is some positive movements toward LGBT rights in Africa. The new president of Malawi, Joyce Banda announced last week during her state of the nation address:

“Indecency and unnatural acts laws shall be repealed,” said the former vice-president, referring to legislation that criminalises same-sex relationships.

Its another indication that, even in a rabid anti-gay area of the world like Africa, strides toward acceptance are happening.

Read the article here.

Support for Marriage Equality is Growing

A recent poll shows that a strong majority of New Hampshire voters support marriage equality. It seems that support grows by the day. Conservatives in the legislature tried and failed to repeal the marriage law in NH earlier this year.

I know equality is coming, but until DOMA is repealed, true equality won’t happen. I should be more patient, but for me and my husband the clock is ticking. His student visa ends when he finishes his degree in 3 years. Come on America, keep the momentum going!

Read the article about NH here.

How’s your “gaydar”?

Can you tell if someone’s gay at a glance? My gaydar is fair, but I always attributed it to aspects other than a person’s features. The way some one dresses, their mannerisms, their speech patterns or topic of conversation is what tips me off. For me the clincher is if a good looking person of the same sex walks by… Is there a fleeting “check ’em out” look?

It seems that, at least for some, the face is all that’s needed. Researchers at the University of Washington have shown that college students positively identified the sexual orientation of gay men and women at a high rate – 65% for women and 57% for men. What was remarkable was that the identification was made a glance. Subjects were shown photos of faces for a mere 50 milliseconds. There were no other identifying characteristics such as jewelry or facial hair.

Study authors say it is not completely clear how the snap judgements are formed, but believe the results show ‘configural processing’, quickly identifying how another person’s face is made up in terms of distance between features, and ‘featural processing’, examining individual features, helps people determine sexuality.

This makes me wonder if this type of research will lead to determining a genetic factor that determines sexual orientation.

Read the entire article here.

Eight Years Ago Marks the Beginning of Marriage Equality

Today is the 8th anniversary of Marriage Equality in Massachusetts. Since then, LGBT Americans have been allowed to marry in more states. I was fortunate enough to marry my soul mate this March in New York City. That ceremony and little piece of paper has changed everything for me.

My husband and I still don’t have any legal protections because of the discriminatory and unconstitutional law, DOMA. We can can’t file taxes, we have no inheritance rights, social security benefits, in fact there are almost 1500 rights we don’t have.

But we’re happier. Being married has given our relationship a deeper and more profound meaning to us both. The anti-equality bigots scream that the term “marriage” has a special meaning. They’re right. And all Americans are entitled to it.

From the Metro:

“In the eight years that same-sex couples have been marrying in Massachusetts, we have learned that our communities are safer, happier, and healthier when all families are respected, supported and celebrated,” Kara Suffredini, executive director of MassEquality, said in a statement. “As time goes on and even larger majorities of Americans come to support marriage equality, we look forward to the day when all Americans can enjoy the freedom to marry.”

Read the entire article here.

RIP Donna Summer

Disco Queen Donna Summer died at age 63 today. She had been battling breast cancer

I am not a big fan of disco music, but she had an incredible voice and sang disco ad well as gospel and pop songs beautifully. I have sung along with her loudly and slightly off key in my car many times.

Some of her hits include “Love to Love You Baby”, “Last Dance”, “MacArthur Park”, “Hot Stuff”, “No More Tears (Enough is Enough)”, “She Works Hard for the Money”

A great talent that will be missed. What was your favorite Donna Summer Song?

Today is the International Day Against Homophobia

May 17 is International Fight Homophobia Day . The Canadian based organization says it is a day to reach out to one another.

It got me thinking. As a gay man I see and hear a lot of homophobia all around. Bigots in the news scream “abomination” and spread horrific lies. I hear terms like fag, sissy, pansy every day. I hear people refer to things that they deem silly or undesirable as “gay”. Stereotypes are a real time saver and many folks assume all gay men are flamboyant cross dressers having sex with anyone they can get their painted nails on. Lesbians all play softball and drive Subaru Foresters. Sometimes it gets me down.

But then I remember what my ex-wife Kay told me. My biggest weapon against the bigots and ignorant and self-hating closet cases is to be happy about who I am. By showing the world I am a happy, healthy man who is a professional, a dad, an athlete, a husband, a friend – All the things That make me “me” – and I’m also gay.

The more the world sees us as whole human beings with normal, mundane lives, the harder it is to vilify us.

So today I’m proudly showing all the haters that I matter, not by whining and yelling about injustice, but because I’m a valuable man full of love and happiness and madly in love with a 6 foot 1 Canadian.

How are you combatting homophobia?

Drinking 6 Cups of Coffee a Day is Good for you? Woo hoo!

I gave up drinking alcohol almost 10 years ago. My last cigarette was 9 years ago. I lost 70 pounds. I work out everyday, take vitamins, eat sickeningly healthy – but I can’t give up my coffee.

I tried once for about 3 hours, but it was useless. I love coffee. I like it very strong and very hot -like my husband :-). I take a fair amount of guff from people, but it’s my one vice. I allowed my self one unhealthy pleasure.

But last night I read an article citing a new study that showed coffee drinkers…. heavy coffee drinkers – were less likely to die during the same period as their non coffee drinking counter parts. People who drank 6 cups per day had the greatest benefits.

This morning I’m drinking my 6 (or more) cups with guilt free pleasure!