Hey! That’s My Husband!
- At July 09, 2013
- By danmclellan
- In About Me, Uncategorized
2
We had a family tragedy recently. There has been an outpouring of love and support from family and friends – amazing words and kindness and good wishes. We’ve been overwhelmed by it all. But something struck me. Many people have sent messages of sympathy to me and my ‘partner’. These are people who know me. These are people who know that Michael and I, because of the discrimination in our own state of Colorado, had to travel thousands of miles to be married in New York. These are people who know we had to sacrifice a wedding surrounded by loved ones and families because we couldn’t ask people to spend thousands of dollars to travel to witness our wedding. These are people who know that, until 2 weeks ago, I could not apply for a green card for my Canadian husband like any heterosexual bi-national couple can. These are people who I have introduced to Michael as my husband. These are people who read my blog posts and Facebook updates that talk about my husband. There is no confusion on how we refer to each other. So knowing these things… why would they call us ‘partners’?
It reminds us that we still have a long way to go in this country. Even though we are slowly gaining equality in a legal sense, there is still a feeling that our relationships are still ‘other’. That we are still not the same as straight couples. How long will it take until the terms husband and wife roll off the tongues of straight allies without a second thought? How long until we are referred to as couples instead of gay couples? When will we just plain ol’ boring like everybody else? I guess, for the first time in my life, I’m hoping for a little mediocrity.
Out of curiosity, how many gay, married couples use husband and wife, and how many still use partner?
sean
Great post!
It’s still so awkward for straight people and many of them don’t know what the heck to call us and our significant others. My mom even introduced my husband as my ‘friend’ last year. lol. And ‘partners’ makes gay couples sound like lawyers or undercover cops. Although, my husband is actually my business partner too. But when I had to fill out my medical paperwork, I had to check ‘single’ because its not legal in Colorado, even though we’ve been married for two years. Like you said, we’ve got a ways to go.
Lynne
I have forsaken husband and wife as descriptors altogether. I don’t like that they define gender, and have all kinds of negative history. I prefer to use ‘partner’ for all couples, married, dating, gay or straight. I would never have thought it as a ‘lesser’ term. Your post reminds me how important language is. I’m sure your friends would be aghast to know they had offended you – and they clearly respect and love you both.